Same-sex attraction and Change…Is it possible? Four Stories from Women

Ellen Dykas

Ellen Dykas

First Testimony:  Ellen Dykas“Spousal-sexual”—a new category to consider?

After I began to serve with Harvest USA, I attended an Exodus International conference in 2008 and participated in an open discussion among Women’s Ministry Leaders who serve in sexual-wholeness related ministries. The focus of our discussion that day was this heated question: Is change really possible for the same-sex attracted person?  In the room were close to 25 women, from all over the country, and they talked about the different stories of their homosexual experiences.

Many of the women were now living lives of sexual abstinence as singles, after having turned to Christ. There were a few women who, while at one time openly gay-identified, were now married to Christian men. Others, who through emotional dependency found themselves in homosexual relationships, were now growing wisely in loving other women well within godly boundaries.

All their stories were testimonies of change, each one specific to her unique life.  One testimony, however, really hit my heart.  A married woman named Ann said, “You know, I’m not attracted to women anymore, but I’m also not attracted to men; but I adore my husband!”

Ann’s story of having grown in her identity in being a loved daughter of God, and then being ‘spousal-sexual’ really rang true for me personally.  I am not someone who is same-sex attracted, but I am also someone who hasn’t had the “typical” heterosexual crushes that my friends all had.  There have been a few men with whom I have experienced emotional and physical attraction, but for most of my life I felt very “other.”  I didn’t seem to fit in any category.

But Ann’s words really taught me afresh that, it only takes one man to be a husband!  So, I began to focus my prayers for relationship along this path:  Lord, if you have marriage for me, then I ask you to keep my heart and ALL my attractions guarded until and unless they be focused on  the man you’d have me to marry. I want to be “husband-sexual!” 

This freed me up so much, and was another huge way the Lord moved in my own heart years ago to grow me in seeking to have my heart set on Christ and his will, rather than fitting into categories of sexuality that our culture (and the Church, too) have defined as our “identity.”

For my next three blog posts, I’ll be posting testimonies of women who have wrestled with same-sex attraction and homosexuality, and also have been a part of the ministry of Harvest USA. Each of these sisters will share their unique stories and personal thoughts on how Christ brings true “change.”

What are your thoughts about the idea of “spousal sexuality?”   Do you think as a category it is helpful or unhelpful?  Please share your thoughts!